Let's go!
anti-perfection is for everyone who wants to be their own biggest influence.
it's for everyone who wants to create their own meaning in life.
It's for everyone who's ready to declare their secret ambition.
it's for everyone who wants to know how to find their very own crazy dream.
Note: this content doesn't come from extensive research. It's based on the experiences of one person. It's a work in progress that outlines a process that might help you make your life your own.
anti-perfection is you doing you.
it's being real.
it's taking the first step.
it's figuring it out as you go.
Long Story
I'm the child of Taiwanese immigrants. My parents came to the US in the 1960's. I was the first of my family born in the United States (my brothers were already in elementary school when they got here). By the time I came along, my parents had moved to a house in a mostly blue-collar neighborhood in New Jersey. Though my parents kept mostly Taiwanese and Chinese friend groups, I was fully integrated into a white, American social scene through the neighborhood and via school.
To say that I knew we were different than the average American family is a massive understatement. I was so keenly aware that I would sometimes wander the neighborhood alone, staring hard at the houses, wishing I could see inside them the way you can look into dollhouses. If I could do that, I'd be able to crack the code. I'd learn the American way to watch TV, to make dinner, to be a family. I could uncover all the secret rules and ways of being. I would figure out how to belong. TV got me part of the way there, but it was only TV. I wanted an anthropological dissection on how to be American. I wanted an annotated guide with rules clearly laid out. It would tell me how to act blond and freckled. It would convince my parents to purchase a pool membership and go to back-to-school nights. It would tell me how to make the cheerleading squad, how to feel casual, how to be an insider.
By middle school, the feeling of not belonging didn't bother me much. I'd always had friends, and the feeling of being an outsider had receded to become an undercurrent in the swirl of my adolescent emotional complexion. But suddenly it seemed everyone was talking about ballroom dancing and country clubs. I heard fragments of conversations as snippets, from the fringes of cliques. I had no context and no clue what they had going on. But the idea that there could be other levels of marginalization blindsided me and resurfaced old feelings of isolation, alienation, and uncertainty. As a girl, I was already quiet. As an outsider, I was doubly quiet. Now I got even quieter.
And then I found my people. They made me feel like I belonged. I relaxed and let my personality out of its tight chrysalis to slowly unfurl. At some point around then, I made an important discovery. I figured out that my favorite things, the best things, the most insightful things -- the coolest things -- come from the margins of society. This epiphany allowed me to put away my sense of disadvantage. It let me be the me of my late-teens and early-twenties. It meant that I could stop trying so hard to see the unwritten rules and just be.
you don't have to do the things everyone else is doing
you don't have to get there the same way everyone else did
if you let go of what others tell you about how things should be...
...you can figure out how you want things to be
if you stop believing that you have to be perfect...
...you can test and learn, you can fail fast, you can do
what anti-perfection is not
anti-perfection isn't letting go of standards or common decency.
it's not about being selfish or about sacrificing personal relationships.
It's not about living in denial or being delusional.
it's not permission to be a jerk.
How
to
be
anti-
perfect
(framework to do you)
1 / You now: do a self-assessment
Be honest. Audit yourself as truthfully as possible. This portrait will help you understand where you are and help you pinpoint where you want to evolve or stay the same.
2 / Go deep: who and what are you hiding away?
Which parts of yourself do you tend to reserve for your closest peeps? Why? What would happen if you were to be your whole self more of the time? Add this to your self-assessment
3 / Energy map: where does your energy go?
All the things you do and think cost energy. Figure out where your energy is going and you'll have a diagram of your internal resources. This is where you can plan to save and reinvest.
4 / Non-negotiable: responsibilities and boundaries
List out your needs. What are the things you must do, must have, must accommodate in your life? Food, sleep, shelter, personal grooming, relationships, etc. These are your must-haves.
5 / Future you: your vision for yourself
Daydream. Who is the you in those daydreams? Write that down. Later, you can bump this sketch up next to your self-assessment and make some decisions.
6 / Ambition: what's the dream?
It doesn't have to be big. Or it could be ginormous. Write it down. Think about how you'll feel when you achieve it.
7 / SWOT: more assessment
What are your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats? Keep your goals in mind as you make notes and be honest about your abilities, tendencies, and resources.
8 / Mission statement: so you can manifest
The idea is to get really clear on what you want. That way, you can carry it with you everywhere and work on making it real all the time. You can find a way to make it into a mantra.
9 / Strategezize: coach yourself
Make a plan. Your plan doesn't need to be perfect. It doesn't even need to be complete. It just needs to be actionable. The first steps need to be easily do-able.
10 / Be in beta: practice
This whole thing may feel radical. You're not going to accomplish everything in one giant leap. Take one step. Practice. Turn it into a habit. Figure out where you need to ask for help.
11 / Open mic: you out loud
Don't keep your light under a bushel. Tell people your intentions. Make a joyful noise. Confront the fear. Try your material, see how it lands, assess, adjust. Ignore the hecklers. Repeat often.
12 / Pat yourself on the back: celebrate
It doesn't matter how small a victory. Acknowledge every and any action you take towards progress. Every win is important.
13 / Don't hate: be a supporter
Live and let live. Thrive and encourage. We're all more the same than we are different. Practice tolerance.
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